Blood--Laced Walls

You are mining my soul & heart; a chasm in the dark, carved out by the pain & the trauma & staggering highs that invariably collapsed [that left me swooning & lusting for more] & the ensuing despair [my old faithful, despair]. But in the recesses I left you little glittering trails to follow, like trails of gold, diamond, but more precious: the trails of blood in the walls. Lingering hints that I am still there. Blood of tyranny & anger & anguish & passion, my lifeblood, my firmament. Blood of wounds, fresh & stagnant. Blood of yearning & creation. You are fingering the trails, letting your fingers run along the grooves, sliding as you walk down the chasm, your boots echo, clack clack, you feel it & the walls start pulsing [ah, so there is still a pulse]. & your boots echo & the pulse matches, clack clack throb throb. Echoes seem to get louder as the cave's inner physics bend the sound & it amplifies clack clack & the throbbing quickens, & you know are getting close [you quicken]. In sync, our souls are in sync, & then you break into a run as the blood runs thick from the walls. Then you've found it, the core & you take the plunge, you dig, burying yourself. Bashing & hammering & pounding. CRASH & then it opens, my soul opens, emancipation. The dynamic folds of the mind, the awareness locked away, the trembling vulnerability, the passion & intensity, the vibrancy of secrets of perception, it comes gushing forth, bursting, careening, & you are engulfed. You hold on for dear life & out of nowhere [read: somewhere] a hand holds onto yours too. The hologram of a woman, a woman you called herself & called beautiful, a woman whose womanhood you knew, holds onto you. The passion streams by in a red flood, you see a tormented child float by, & a galaxy spinning with nauseating speed, daydreams, & the childhood tree I lost a red balloon in on my birthday, used condoms, my first guitar [a blue telecaster], a crack pipe bobbing up & down in the current, acid fractals to your right, a British night club where I drank my first "orgasm" to your left... But you are hugging this hologram, she holds on tight, & you are whispering to each other that you love each other. A cheesy hallmark card floats by with a box of chocolates on it & reminds you that you first told each other this on Valentine's Day, 2014. & you are telling the hologram, "You are real, you are beautiful, so see it!" Screaming belligerently, you shake her by the shoulders, or you try, but your hands just slide through [for, she is a hologram after all]. It is like she is dreaming, dreaming herself, but not seeing herself, you think. & you are trembling, & then you kiss her, you kiss me; an awareness flickers into my eyes & I feel your shuddering soul in mine, & we need each other. & the lifeblood flows by, in this engorged gulf of sexual, spiritual, carnal fluid.... & I solidify.