the dust of perception

When the dust of perception settles then you finally will see. When the frenetic chaos and movement of the constantly adjusting mind finally are at rest, clarity arises. But it is not rigid, set, forced. It is open, perceiving, and receptive. And it is absolutely sublime.

Modus Operandi

"Donnie Darko: it's like some sort of super hero or something." "What makes you think I'm not?"

First thing you should know about me: I can induce nirvana [read: magnificent, proto-delusional simulation] at will. Like some sort of metaphysical, ecumenical, offbeat/esoteric superpower. Just think of the possibilities- "Quick, achieve a state of transcendent bliss to combat this meaningless, corporate American, material trash; to combat our nihilistic questionings of existence; to combat the monster of first-world isolation!"

Instant gratification at its finest: Thank you, LSD. Only, of course, could a laboratory-synthesized, CIA-dubbed "potential mind-control" drug of ten syllable scientific gibberish render its user permanently over-enlightened [read: permanently tripping, as the case may be]. And in being drug-induced, as opposed to induced by that soul-scratching struggle for self-realization, my case of instant-brewed "nirvana" ultimately. is. fake. In eliminating the quest for enlightenment, and cutting straight to the attainment, the attainment loses all meaning. Unholy irony.

Because, naturally, how could a lab-rat, a corrupt CIA official, and a reckless 17-year-old possess the key to divine light?

Needless to say, this presents a simple [read: complex] issue of perception mistrust. Where your former mind would venture into deep thoughts while keeping them at a safe distance, your current brain-damaged mind finds itself staring into the scintillating eye of immortal oblivion, thrust nakedly before the primordial chaos of the supreme so complete it bears no more semblance to reality, engulfed in some synaesthetically blue harmonics extending into infinity. When my mind slips ever-so-slightly and lets god back in. Unable to comprehend without experiencing. I can't even smoke weed without tripping.

So, what, is the solution to be godless? Repression? Is it completely fiction?

What to believe, what to believe...

It's not going to go away. I might not even want it to. But, the question still hectors, how much of my spirituality is real?

Prescription: one good ol' dose of actual 100% genuine & pure God ['cause after all, you can only handle Him/Her/The-One in doses, right?], just to clear out all the residual psychedelic chaos. I'd say a healthy 7 mind-shattering revelations should do the trick. But don't get too carried away; bipolar type 1 lies just around the corner. Make sure to return to some despair, darkness, and mundanity in the mean time. The mind is a delicate thing, and can only take so much unadulterated, transcendent, blissful truth. It needs some trivial-ass bullshit every once in a while in order to maintain sanity. [Read: it doesn't, but that's our excuse.] And don't forget, it is better to be dosed on God than on LSD [also notoriously referred to as "reduced price, generic brand God"] unless of course, the generic is all you can afford. In which case, transcend responsibly, succumb to delusion as you will, and hope for the best. Side-effects may include: the aforementioned inducing of nirvana [read: magnificent, proto-delusional simulation] at will. We sincerely apologize for the inconveniently high cost of authentic Godliness, but we assure you it is well worth the price. Virtue is its own reward.

[Abilify and Lamictal have been known to work too.]